For a while now, I've hated going to the movies. There's always someone talking through the movie, or the person behind me is coughing and hacking, or cell phones keep ringing. Hell, Mike and I saw The Dark Knight Sunday, and this couple brought their damn baby (EDIT: I realize that what I should have said here is, "This damn idiot couple brought their poor helpless baby!"). To a loud, scary movie! And they sat RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! Luckily for me, the sound was cranked up about as loud as it could go, so I could only hear the crying baby during the few quiet parts.
As much as I've hated going to the movies, I've been to see Mamma Mia! twice, and I would go again. It's a cheesy movie with a predictable plot, but I love it anyway. First, it's full of Abba songs, so every other aspect of the movie could be pure goat shit and I'd still love it anyway. Second, Christine Baranski is in it. She's like Jennifer Coolidge. No matter what she's in, she's hilarious, and she steals the show. I'll see anything she's in. Third, the mother-daughter relationship is positive. These characters really do seem to love and support each other. I've always been a mama's girl, so I'm a sucker for that stuff.
But the strangest reason I loved this movie is Meryl Streep's 59-year-old boobs. They're just out there on display as if she's a woman half her age or less. And they look fabulous! And it's normal! It's not a Stiffler's-mom moment where the audience is told, "Damn, look at those smokin' boobs on that old lady!" They're just there, like any other ta-tas. (EDIT #2: I should also make it clear that Meryl Streep doesn't show off her bare breasts or anything. She just showed really good cleavage.)
It makes my inner raging feminist so proud to be able to see a movie starring not one, but THREE women in their fifties who are strong and fiesty and alive. Yes, they're in their fifties and their lives aren't over! They still get to be main characters and love interests and even objects of lust. But the movie never has that Fried Green Tomatoes feel of middle-aged women recapturing something they've lost. Meryl Streep, Christine Baranski, and Julie Walters were all great.
I highly recommend you go see it. If you see it with your mom, you might cry. I saw it without my mom, and I still cried. Both times. There's good music, pretty scenery, good boobs, a positive message about women getting older, and another positive message that growing up to be like your mother just might not be a bad thing after all.
Plus there are some kick-ass boots. You'll know which ones I'm talking about when you see it.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
What's so funny?
I've been doing some serious thinking this summer about what I think is funny. What makes good comedy? What truly makes me laugh? After much consideration, I have learned something about myself. This is what I have learned:
The term "D-bag" is WAAAAY funnier than "douchebag."
The term "D-bag" is WAAAAY funnier than "douchebag."
Friday, June 20, 2008
I'm a bitch!
Famed author Janet Evanovich says so!
A group of teachers who read and love Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series decided to take a road trip to Omaha this week for a book signing. Since they are all educators, and therefore, batshit crazy, they decided to dress as characters. Now, I have not read any of these books, but the trip sounded like a hell of a lot of fun, so I went along for the ride. The others gave me two character choices: Sally Sweet, a tranvestite rock star, or Joyce Barnhardt, Stephanie Plum's rival stole her husband and dresses in all black. Since you all know me, you know my choice. Hell yes, tranny rock star! However, after much searching, I still can't find my hot tranny skirt (you all know I have one), so I decided to go as Joyce instead. I can pull off all black really easily, but I won't half-ass a tranny costume.
I show up dressed all in black, and I knew that maybe I'd been set up. We were waiting in the seriously long line, and we drew quite a crowd of Omahanians who wanted pictures of our costumed group. As we'd all gather round for pictures, I'd hear comments like, "I can't believe she came as Joyce!" and "Joyce isn't slutty enough." We finally, after over 3 hours in line at Borders, got up to meet Janet Evanovich. She looked at my nametag, and said "Oh! You're the bitch!" To which I replied, "Oh, you've met me?"
So there you have it. A popular and acclaimed author called me a bitch. I LOVE it! Here are some pictures of the trip.
We have Sally as The Chip Lady, Penny as Stephanie Plum, Robin as Connie, Janet Evanovich, Goldie as Lula (middle-aged former ho), Linda as Grandma, and me as Joyce.
This one is just Janet and me, after she called me a bitch.
You can read more about our adventures on Goldie's blog here http://news4family.blogspot.com/
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
I love my job
Last week, I had a kid walk up to me in the hallway and hold up a PSP where I could see it. I told him that, per school rule, he couldn't have that out during the school day and he needed to put it up.
"No," he said, "I'm not trying to play it. I want you to take it. I got God of War: Chains of Olympus last week, and I already beat it twice over the weekend. I know you don't have a PSP, so I brought you mine so you could play it."
I love that my students and I can talk about video games and things like that, and they'll respond by wanting to play them with me. They want me to like the games they like. They want to talk to me about games, get my opinions, ask me what else is cool, and tell me that they think is cool. I have such influence over these kids, it's shocking.
BTW, I played Chains of Olympus until the PSP lost its charge. SWEET! Now I want a PSP.
"No," he said, "I'm not trying to play it. I want you to take it. I got God of War: Chains of Olympus last week, and I already beat it twice over the weekend. I know you don't have a PSP, so I brought you mine so you could play it."
I love that my students and I can talk about video games and things like that, and they'll respond by wanting to play them with me. They want me to like the games they like. They want to talk to me about games, get my opinions, ask me what else is cool, and tell me that they think is cool. I have such influence over these kids, it's shocking.
BTW, I played Chains of Olympus until the PSP lost its charge. SWEET! Now I want a PSP.
An open letter
Dear guy who's too dumb to read the directional arrows in a parking lot,
You are a special kind of illiterate, and there is a special place in illiterate hell waiting for you and your kind.
Love,
Morgan
You are a special kind of illiterate, and there is a special place in illiterate hell waiting for you and your kind.
Love,
Morgan
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
What does an "instructional facilitator" do?
I'm not quite sure what an instructional facilitator would do in the Holden school district. But I'll be able to tell you next year when I start MY NEW JOB.
That's right. My new job. My district has created an instructional facilitator job for the next school year. I applied in January, I interviewed yesterday, and they came to my room to tell me I got the job less than 24 hours later.
Basically, I'll be overseeing the new teachers in the district and helping them learn how to teach better. I'll also be helping experienced teachers with learning new teaching techniques and technology for their classrooms. Since it's a new position, the district acknowledges that we're not fully sure what the scope of my duties will include yet. But it will be fun, and it will be a challenge. Go me!
That's right. My new job. My district has created an instructional facilitator job for the next school year. I applied in January, I interviewed yesterday, and they came to my room to tell me I got the job less than 24 hours later.
Basically, I'll be overseeing the new teachers in the district and helping them learn how to teach better. I'll also be helping experienced teachers with learning new teaching techniques and technology for their classrooms. Since it's a new position, the district acknowledges that we're not fully sure what the scope of my duties will include yet. But it will be fun, and it will be a challenge. Go me!
Saturday, February 23, 2008
It runs in the family
Last night I took my brother Joe out to dinner at the local Mexican place. We got bored waiting for the check. As a responsible older sister, I made sure we did something productive and educational.
We made a ninja weapon out of butterknives and straw wrappers. Then we put salsa on it to look like blood.
Bang Bang!
Check out my new haircut. I kind of have bangs. I haven't had those in 17 years! And it only took me 2 hours after my haircut to remember why I haven't had them for 17 years. I think I've already given myself whiplash trying to keep them out of my eyes. That's okay though. They're so cute!
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Pray for me
I was on the way home from running errands in Warrensburg this evening when something strange happened to me.
I heard a Miley Cyrus song on the radio.
And I loved it!
I am SO ashamed of myself.
What the hell? I'm a goddamned adult! I don't have to eat sloppy joes anymore, I have never seen High School Musical, and I know that stuff I like can be more than just uh-maay-zing.
UPDATE: I just bought that shit from iTunes. If I'm reverting like this now, I wonder how bad it's going to be when I turn 30 in August. Seriously guys, if long about June, I start commenting about how "that Zac Ephron's kinda cute," have my ass committed.
UPDATE 2: I just looked it up. I spelled Zac Efron's name wrong up there. There may be hope for me yet.
I heard a Miley Cyrus song on the radio.
And I loved it!
I am SO ashamed of myself.
What the hell? I'm a goddamned adult! I don't have to eat sloppy joes anymore, I have never seen High School Musical, and I know that stuff I like can be more than just uh-maay-zing.
UPDATE: I just bought that shit from iTunes. If I'm reverting like this now, I wonder how bad it's going to be when I turn 30 in August. Seriously guys, if long about June, I start commenting about how "that Zac Ephron's kinda cute," have my ass committed.
UPDATE 2: I just looked it up. I spelled Zac Efron's name wrong up there. There may be hope for me yet.
Monday, February 11, 2008
A shitty time to have dead batteries
Mike and I were at Best Buy tonight shopping for HDTVs. You'll never guess who was there, and my digicam's batteries were dead, so I can't show you the proof. I had to make a peeps, so while Mike and the salesguy were talking, I headed to the restroom. As I turned past the Geek Squad and headed past customer service to the potty, I saw her there in line. I did a seriously rude double-take when I realized who it was. I was staring straight at Cruella De Vil.
That's right.
Cruella. Fucking. De Vil.
This skinny older lady was in line. She looked wicked mean in the face. She had the crazy salt-and-pepper hair. And she was wearing a long fur coat with bare legs (I was more behind her than in front as I came at her from the side, so I don't know what was under it. Dear God, I hope she had something on). The strangest, and I think, the best, part of the outfit was the footwear. She was wearing slippers.
At that point, as I stopped and stared at her with my mouth hanging open, she turned at looked me right in the eye. At which point, I scooted to the bathroom before I could pee myself right there. By the time I came out, she was gone. If she was still there, I SO would have snuck a pic on my cell phone. Then I would have run away.
That's right.
Cruella. Fucking. De Vil.
This skinny older lady was in line. She looked wicked mean in the face. She had the crazy salt-and-pepper hair. And she was wearing a long fur coat with bare legs (I was more behind her than in front as I came at her from the side, so I don't know what was under it. Dear God, I hope she had something on). The strangest, and I think, the best, part of the outfit was the footwear. She was wearing slippers.
At that point, as I stopped and stared at her with my mouth hanging open, she turned at looked me right in the eye. At which point, I scooted to the bathroom before I could pee myself right there. By the time I came out, she was gone. If she was still there, I SO would have snuck a pic on my cell phone. Then I would have run away.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Ok, so I'm only 20, maybe 25 years late on this one
I saw Juno last night. I loved it. Who cares about messages and lessons? It flat out cracked me up.
I take that back. I did learn one lesson. Jason Bateman is hot. Why didn't anybody tell me?
I'm still trying to figure out how I missed that one back in the day.
I take that back. I did learn one lesson. Jason Bateman is hot. Why didn't anybody tell me?
I'm still trying to figure out how I missed that one back in the day.
I'm ready for a drink...and some learnin'
Another of my new favorite things right now is Drunk History on YouTube. It all started one night when a man drank a bottle of scotch, then decided to tell his friends the story of Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr while those friends filmed him. They got some of their other friends, including Michael Cera, to reenact the story as told by Mr. Drunkie. It's hilarious. Since Volume 1 was so great, Volumes 2 and 2.5 have since been added, both starring Jack Black as Ben Franklin. If you haven't seen these fabulous videos, go to YouTube or FunnyOrDie and watch them.
Volume 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6V_DsL1x1uY
Volume 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjZR1Rjj_p0
Volume 2.5: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/154bc4bd1b/a
Volume 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6V_DsL1x1uY
Volume 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjZR1Rjj_p0
Volume 2.5: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/154bc4bd1b/a
Duty Free TV
G4 is running a new foreign TV block called "Duty Free TV" which includes Ninja Warrior, Unbeatable Banzuke, and Super Big Product Fun Show. Here are my reviews.
Ninja Warrior: I. Love. This. Show. It's my favorite thing on TV right now, and maybe my favorite thing ever, and maybe I'm just experiencing major writers' strike fatigue. Since I started watching the show, all I want to do is go to Japan. It's ridiculous how much I like this show, and I admit that it isn't normal. It's an awesome 4-stage obstacle course showcasing feats of strength, speed, agility, and endurance. Oh, and the screaming Japanese announcer that I mentioned in a previous post.
Unbeatable Banzuke: I've only seen this one a few times. It's like Ninja Warrior in that it has regular people competing to overcome super hard obstacles. But the show only has one obstacle at a time, not an entire obstacle course, so it's much less exciting. The obstacles are cool, but it's tedious to watch 30 people in a row take 7 steps, then fall off the same thing. Maybe it will grow on me if I see a few more episodes and some better obstacles.
Super Big Product Fun Show: This show has a 15 minute run time like Adult Swim shows do. One thing that sucks about this show is that, unlike Adult Swim shows, they put a commercial break in the middle of the 15 minutes. Unfortunately, that's not the only thing about this show that sucks. It's done like MXC, taking footage from Japanese game shows, mixing them together with a pair of frame-story hosts from another show, and making up their own English translations. The setup is that all the weird things they get from game shows are some kind of product they're reviewing. For example, a clip showed a man being put into a Space Bag, having food (?) dumped on him and then being sealed in the bag and having the air sucked out. SBPFS said it was a bag to put your drunk friends in so they couldn't puke on stuff. Like MXC, it's full of dirty jokes and puns. Unlike MXC, it sucks and it isn't funny. At all. To put it in perspective, I was talking to a student last week who happened to watch the same episode I did the night before. He said that it was retarded and he didn't finish watching it. An 8th GRADE BOY said this show was too moronic to watch for an entire 15 MINUTES.
In the past G4 has shown Banzai, a British-Japanese show involving ridiculous betting opportunities (like which drag queen is actually a woman, or which of two businessmen will put his foot in a shoe with dog poo in it), but so far, I haven't seen it in the "Duty Free" lineup. They should put it in there. It's far funnier, more entertaining, and smarter than SBPFS, dog poo included.
To sum up...
Ninja Warrior: crazy awesome
Unbeatable Banzuke: meh.
Super Big Product Fun Show: to borrow a line from Ben...DUMB!
Ninja Warrior: I. Love. This. Show. It's my favorite thing on TV right now, and maybe my favorite thing ever, and maybe I'm just experiencing major writers' strike fatigue. Since I started watching the show, all I want to do is go to Japan. It's ridiculous how much I like this show, and I admit that it isn't normal. It's an awesome 4-stage obstacle course showcasing feats of strength, speed, agility, and endurance. Oh, and the screaming Japanese announcer that I mentioned in a previous post.
Unbeatable Banzuke: I've only seen this one a few times. It's like Ninja Warrior in that it has regular people competing to overcome super hard obstacles. But the show only has one obstacle at a time, not an entire obstacle course, so it's much less exciting. The obstacles are cool, but it's tedious to watch 30 people in a row take 7 steps, then fall off the same thing. Maybe it will grow on me if I see a few more episodes and some better obstacles.
Super Big Product Fun Show: This show has a 15 minute run time like Adult Swim shows do. One thing that sucks about this show is that, unlike Adult Swim shows, they put a commercial break in the middle of the 15 minutes. Unfortunately, that's not the only thing about this show that sucks. It's done like MXC, taking footage from Japanese game shows, mixing them together with a pair of frame-story hosts from another show, and making up their own English translations. The setup is that all the weird things they get from game shows are some kind of product they're reviewing. For example, a clip showed a man being put into a Space Bag, having food (?) dumped on him and then being sealed in the bag and having the air sucked out. SBPFS said it was a bag to put your drunk friends in so they couldn't puke on stuff. Like MXC, it's full of dirty jokes and puns. Unlike MXC, it sucks and it isn't funny. At all. To put it in perspective, I was talking to a student last week who happened to watch the same episode I did the night before. He said that it was retarded and he didn't finish watching it. An 8th GRADE BOY said this show was too moronic to watch for an entire 15 MINUTES.
In the past G4 has shown Banzai, a British-Japanese show involving ridiculous betting opportunities (like which drag queen is actually a woman, or which of two businessmen will put his foot in a shoe with dog poo in it), but so far, I haven't seen it in the "Duty Free" lineup. They should put it in there. It's far funnier, more entertaining, and smarter than SBPFS, dog poo included.
To sum up...
Ninja Warrior: crazy awesome
Unbeatable Banzuke: meh.
Super Big Product Fun Show: to borrow a line from Ben...DUMB!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
I know, I know
I don't post enough. I'll try harder. I've just been so wrapped up in my two new hobbies: sleeping and watching Ninja Warrior on G4. God help me, I love watching those little Japanese guys climbing on shit while a way-too-excited announcer screams in the background. LOVE IT!
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