Fo' the Sistahs

There is a serious problem in Hollywood. Nobody wants to acknowledge this outright, blatant sexism, but it's there. There are plenty of roles out there for big, sassy black gals. But they're not getting these roles. Skinny black MEN keep taking them!

(This one's not too bad, because the character is a man dressed as a woman.)

That last one is Eddie Murphy in his latest piece of shit. He's the worst of them! He just keeps playing the thick-n-chunky sistahs. Who the hell does he think he is! Thinks he can out sistah the sistahs? He needs to get a back-alley beatdown from Nell Carter and Mandisa.

I'm supporting my girls on this one. I vow NEVER to give my money to see a black man play a role that could have, no, SHOULD HAVE gone to a black woman. And I urge you all to do the same.

Wordless Wednesday?

Ok, so y'all knew today would not be wordless. But at least I made it through one post without a single letter.

Things I didn't get to do in St. Louis

• Break into the McLotz's house and rearrange all the furniture
• Get shit-faced drunk and sing karaoke in public (we sang sober karaoke in private)
• Make friends with Jennie's psycho cat
• See Bob or Karl or Jessie
• During Demolition Ball, I did not actually get to demolish anything
• Stop at Trops for a tasty beverage on the way there or on the way back

Other than that, the weekend was legendary.

Big Weekend

Mike and I went to the St. Louis area for a nice, unexpectedly long weekend. It was so much fun! We stayed with my bestest bestie Jennie, her husband Ben, and their psychotic cat.

Friday
Mike picked me up from school after I got out early due to weather. We packed like maniacs and hit the road at 12:40. We then made a trip from our house to Jenjamin's. Normally this takes 4 hours door to door, planning in two stops. Friday night, the trip took over 7 hours. We had to stop several times just to relax for a few minutes. The weather was horrible. I know that I am prone to exaggeration, BUT without any exaggeration, I would bet we passed between 100 and 150 cars that had slid off the road or otherwise wrecked on the ice.

After we arrived, Jennie made us a lovely dinner. Then we played Wii, told stories, and watched Firefly. Then we went to bed.

Saturday
Mike and Ben went to the Blues game with some of the Truman crew. Jennie and I went shopping. Then the Truman gang came over for a good ole spaghetti night. We got to see Anne and Jeremy and Nick and Lisa. We played Apples to Apples and Nick finally won, so he can't ever complain again that nobody picks his cards. After everybody left, Mike and Ben killed zombies, and Jennie and I sang Karaoke Revolution. We kick ass.

Sunday
Sunday we met up with everyone from the night before, plus Erik, and played Demolition Ball. I suck at it, but that has never kept me from having a good time. Erik drove around making tank noises the whole time. He also spent most of the playing time driving his bumper car in reverse. When we finished, we all went to Nick and Lisa's house for some kick-ass beef stew that Lisa cooked. We watched movies, and I played with Deuce. He's a good dog.

After we left, Jennie and Ben and Mike and I went to dinner at the Chinese food place with the bullshit fortune cookie. SUCK IT CHINA! Then we watched Nacho Libre. Nipple twist!

Monday
I got up on Monday to see what road conditions were and get ready to leave. Turns out roads were shitty all over the state. The highway patrol, Goldie, and my principal all told me not to try to drive back on Monday. So my principal called in a sub for my class on Tuesday (which I turned out not to need due to snow days) and Mike and I stayed another day. There was much rejoicing. Jennie and I got haircuts together and went shopping again. Mike and Ben did boy stuff, probably killing more zombies or something.

Later, we had dinner. Then Jennie and I made cookies. Turns out they were poison. Only Jennie and I could eat them. They would have been toxic for Ben ;)

That was the weekend. Tuesday, we packed up, met Ben for lunch, and made the drive back in just under 4 hours. It was such a good weekend. It's always so much fun to hang out with Jennie and Ben. We really need to move next door to each other. Jennie just needs to convince her dad that the practice needs a young lawyer who happens to be an expert in Missouri law.

Oh, and it never did anything but rain on us all weekend. Until Tuesday morning when I looked out the window to check the weather. It was sunny. And snowing.

Snow days

I got out of school at noon on Friday due to the snow and ice. Monday was MLK Day, so no school. I have had snow days Tuesday and Wednesday, and I'll be having another tomorrow. The next district over from us has already called off school Thursday and Friday, so there's a good chance I'll end up with the whole week off.

What does this tell me? It tells me that I'll be in school until 2010 making up snow days. It also tells me we should have stayed at Jenjamin's house.

It's a first!

In St. Louis over the weekend, I had a first. For the first time ever, I've had to call bullshit on a fortune cookie. Here is the fortune:

Come back later... I am sleeping. (yes, cookies need their sleep, too)

BULLSHIT!

You know this is true because
1) Mike, Jennie, and Ben were all there. They saw it, so I have witnesses that I'm not making this shit up.
2) The punctuation is terrible. If I were making that up, I would have used good punctuation.

I consider this fortune a personal insult. I have no choice but to retaliate. They are forcing my hand. Here goes....

I'm adding China to the list of things that can suck it. You heard me China. Suck it hard. Suck it like a bitch. Suck it like your mom does.

I just totally burned China.

Wordless Wednesday

Watch for it!

You know those Sonic commercials with two people having a funny exchange in a car? Watch them closely. All those people are wearing seatbelts. But they move around and you can tell the seatbelts are fake. They're so fucking fake! You can see the real seatbelt hanging down or tucked behind the seat. The actors have seatbelts sewn to their clothes. No shit! Watch for it.

Also, I've been told that those commercials are filmed at the Sonic in Greenwood, MO, which is fairly close to where I live. So I might just have to drive over there and tell them to get their fake-seatbelt-wearin' asses straight. That, or I'll have to knock a bitch out and take her fake sealtbelt shirt to wear to school.

The creepiest thing about teaching 8th grade

Because I teach 8th graders and because I'm under 30, I get to have some fairly unusual experiences that most other teachers don't. It's because these kids are still kids, so they will be more likely to see a teacher as a buddy than older students will. But at the same time, they're starting to have very grown-up urges and experiences. One of the weirdest things that happens while teaching this particular age group, at least to me, is that I get boys doing what I call "practice flirting" with me.

It's exactly what it sounds like. Around two months into the school year, I start getting pick-up lines from some boys. I also get a lot of arms around my shoulders and standing too close. It's totally innocent, but

IT'S FLIPPIN' CREEPY!

Now, these boys do not have any kind of special interest in me. I'm just the young, fun teacher, so to them, I'm safe. They know I won't take it seriously and call their mom all concerned ("Mrs. Jackson, I think we have a problem with little Tony."). I'll act all serious and give them a blow-off line. Then we both laugh and they go sit down. It is all in good fun, and although it is creepy, it's also funny as shit sometimes.

Here are some things I've ACTUALLY had to say to boys:

• Please take a few steps back. You're in my no-creepy-flirting bubble.
• Go away. I'm married.
• Back up offa my Kool-Aid, yo!
• I know you want to hold my hand, but we are NOT that kind of friends.
• You're a nice kid, but I don't like you like that.
• And the one I had to use TODAY -- Um, I don't WANT to smell your hair. I'm just not that into you.

That last one today was the made worse, because after I said it, the kid grabbed my hand and said, "Are you sure about that?" Then he winked at me. He fucking winked at me!

Ew ew ewey ew eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww!

I shook him off, and then we both just lost our shit. As yucky as an exchange like that is for me, it's just funny when it's over. So we laughed our happy asses off. Then I sent him to the bathroom. Not because I thought he needed to "cool off" *winky, winky* He had asked me to go before the whole icky icky started.

That's just one of the hazards of my job.

What's the first thing you know?

Well, the FIRST thing you know, ole Jed's a millionaire.

Seating Charts

I hate making new seating charts for my classes. I can never remember who needs to be where to see and to hear and to avoid being distracted. All I can remember is who shouldn't sit with whom. So when we got back from break last Thursday, I had all the kids write me a note for their starter that told me 1) if they need to somewhere special to see, 2) if they need to sit somewhere special to hear, and 3) if there's anyone they should not sit near to keep them out of trouble. I'm stunned at how honest my kids were answering number 3. Most of my kids listed people that they will fight with AND people who I know they're good friends with and will talk to. I'm so proud of them. I gave them a chance to keep themselves out of trouble, and they took it.

That said, here are my 2 favorite answers to question 3 (not the kids' real names):
From Jill -- "Please move me away from Ricky. I made a New Year's resolution to be nicer to people, and I'm doing really well. But he's really really really annoying, and I know you know that. I can't make it much longer. I'm trying to be less rude to him, but he just makes it so hard."

From Ricky -- "Jill is mean to me. Please move me far away!"

Pop quiz!

Here's today's pop quiz question:

What's the first thing you know?

Leave comments with your answers. I'll post the RIGHT answer in a few days.

Happy New Year!